Happy, Distracting News That Might Knock Your Socks Off

Up until now you all have known me as a tall, strapping, and brilliant single, young man. But I would like to announce to you that I have graduated. Yes, I am still a tall, strapping, and brilliant young man, but no longer can you attach to me the pronoun single. I am not. No longer will I bow down to the tyranies of those who lord their married status over me. No longer will I, like a foot, be walked on all day long, but like a head, full of hair with no signs of a receeding hair line, will flourish. Evermore I will stand and grow as a husband and father. I will, like the strong arm of Stalin, lead my red army to victory. All this to say, I am engaged to the most wonderful, Godly young lady, Natalie.